Memories

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Tonight is Caroline's first sleep-over away from home. I'm a nervous wreck! Even though she is with some wonderful christian people I can not stop worrying about her. And ya know, I think the evil in this world could completely overwhelm me if I let it; I just can't bear the thought of losing another child. Still, I force myself to step way out of my comfort zone and entrust this precious gift to others - I mean come on, nobody can take care of you better than Daddy and Mommy. And yet, I continuously must remind myself that she's not ours. She belongs to the Lord and He is the only one who can truly care for her the way she should be cared for. Anyway, the memories . . .

Her 1st sleep-over has brought back a flood of memories. I was always one of those kids who only had 1 best friend. I had a lot of friends, but I always had 1 special "best" friend. Seriously, we joke about how I lived with my best friends. From the time I was in 6th grade my best friend and I spent all but maybe 1 night a week at each other's house. Then we'd move and I'd make another best friend. I think of all the things we did that would absolutely horrify any parent to no end, not realizing at the time how dangerous they were or how they would impact who we would become. But to this day, I will never forget Angela, Kim or Cati (2 of which I am still in contact).

I guess nothing has really changed in that regard. I still have only 1 best friend, my hubby. Frankly, I wouldn't trade that for the world. And, when I think about it, how weird is this, I think I actually have another best friend who is 2.5 years old. I know, "we're supposed to parent them not be their friend." But, I spend almost every waking minute with a toddler and love it! I learn more from her both directly and indirectly each day than I ever learned in school. I can't stand to think about that day when she looks at me and says, "Mom, please don't walk with me, you're so embarrassing." Who knows, maybe that won't happen. It didn't with me and my parents. I can't even remember a time I didn't want them around. Even today I love having them in town or in the midst of life's activities.

And, if you know me at all you know that all of this reflection can not take place without me drawing a Spiritual parallel. This week is the week we would have been scheduled for to have Hudson via C-Section. I have been so overwhelmed with emotion worrying more about how I would react than really dealing with the grief. So, I sent out an email to a group of ladies and my best man who I consider to be my prayer warriors. And you know what? Our prayers were answered. I've been so busy with VBS, my sister being in town with her kids, etc. that I really only became emotional when people would contact me to let me know they were praying. And, that emotion was of joy and gratitude for their prayers were being answered not an overwhelming release of agony or grief. That I of all people have become the embodiment of God's answer to their prayers. What a humbling experience! The crazy thing, at other points in my life I would have never sent out the request. But the above scripture has rung so true to me during this time that I couldn't keep myself from running to my sisters and brother. He has given us partners on this temporal journey who speak to God and He hears their prayer. So why would I ever be ashamed to ask for someone's prayer? Not reaching out and acknowledging my weakness would be idolatry. I don't know about you, but I don't have all the answers or even the strength to make it through 1 day let alone think I could go this journey alone.

As for my 2 best buddies, they are precious gifts and do not belong to me. So, Lord, help me to give them to you each moment of the day and use me to your glory! As for the scripture listed above, I think the Lord is sending me a "see I told ya so" as it's the text for our Sunday School lesson this Sunday. Isn't God funny?