Some have said that after loss it takes time to get back to a normal life. Some have even said that life goes on but you never get over it. The "new" material talks about life taking on a "new kind of normal". So far, I don't get any of it. Yes, life goes on and you find that you can make it through a week or two without tears or that dull ache that eats away your heart only thrusts itself into your awareness a couple of times a week rather than every moment, but is that really life going on? Is it a new kind of normal we have to live with? Is that "getting over it"?
Many have commented that losing a child is the worst grief there is and yet I question that after this week. We lost a dear friend to suicide, not so much a friend as a mentor and brother in Christ, and it has rocked my world! I would give anything to have 5 minutes alone with him (I'm sure his family wishes the same), but the time has past and the moment slipped away and now we're left with questions. Losing Hudson has been the most horribly devistating hurt I could ever describe. And yet, there have been so many blessings through his loss. What kind of blessing can come through suicide? I'll tell you:
It's not life that goes on after loss; it's LIFE that goes on after loss. It's not a "new kind of normal" it's continuing in the LIFE that we've been given as our normal. When we live Life in the Spirit, our goal is eternity with Christ. Along the journey the Fall of this world presents many losses and/or disappointments, but it doesn't mean that our Life changes. John talks about us being the branches that are given life through the vine. The cool thing about branches are that the branches have branches. For me, I'm coming to realize that these times of loss/dismay are those pivotal moments in which we sprout another branch. My Life is in tact, I simply gain another branch of life to bear more fruit. The original branch continues to bear fruit while this new "shute" in the journey begins to bear fruit.
My grandmother used to stop on the side of the road when we'd travel and go tear a branch off of a pretty plant she wanted. She'd take it home and care for it until it became her own bush or tree full of life. I think we forget that when some branches of our life fall away, there is still the potential for Life if that branch is repotted or whatever it is that causes root to take hold (can you tell I do not have a green thumb) and taken care of by our Father. We talk so much about the branches being cut off to prune us for growth and while that is true, sometimes the branches are cut off by the world not by Christ. And for those, we need to gather them up, care for them and repot them in fertile soil.
For me, my branch is in the precious hands of our Lord; I don't have to worry about that. But for the lives of so many devistated through loss which seems to have no hope, I am assured now more than ever that the only place we can find strength is in the hope that our God is much bigger than we give Him credit and He's more loving and more merciful than we will ever imagine and He's got it under control. So, these days, I'm living LIFE not life because life is too hard and too sad and too empty. Living LIFE is amazingly peaceful even when the storms are all around.
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Nanette, I found your site through the Trevecca Alumni site. Thank you for sharing so deeply about your losses, and what you are learning. What you said in this post is very inspiring to me. We have faced some on going trials over the past few years with the birth of our second son who has TAR Syndrome. You really spoke to me. Thank you! I will pray for you too, as you heal.
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