Set Apart

So I've learned something in the last few months about myself that I think I had forgotten somewhere along the way - I'm pretty strong-willed. But through the trials of this past year I've become even stronger-Willed. How you ask? Let me first ask you a few questions:

Do you really believe the Lord? Do you really believe that His word is true? Do you really believe that He can do exactly what He said He could do and more? Do you really believe that you are to love your enemies, even lay down your life for them? Do you really believe that the person who takes you for granted or even treats you like garbage is a child of God? Do you really believe that your existence has been gifted to you and that you are the steward of that gift? When your world turns upside down and you find yourself completely alone, do you really feel alone? In the quiet moments of your life, where do your thoughts go?

These are just some of the questions I have had to ask myself this past year and to seek honest answers I've had to endure "self examination." Anyone know what I'm saying? I hate "the time for introspection." I mean really, wouldn't it just be easier to go help someone or serve somewhere or do something for the Lord rather than selfishly focus on me? (boy that's a whole lot of verbs) Woe to those of us who avoid this harsh and horrific task by masquerading it with service!

What I've learned this year is that I do believe the Lord! I do believe His word is true. I believe He can do everything He said He could do and more! And, you know what I've found that I love the most out of the "AHA! Moment?" When my world turned upside down and I was completely alone, I wasn't really alone. He was and is there with me. In my quiet moments my thoughts and heart drift towards Him and the things of Him. Why? Not because I'm so good and mighty and spiritual, but because He has brought me to a place of solitude which has required complete and utter openness before Him. He's forced me to a place of "self examination" that hasn't been very pretty.

The result: so far I've found that I am a "lone reed" (for those of you who share my love for You've Got Mail). The Lord calls us to do His will. And so many times we cloud His will with our wants and desires and even our feeble attempts at simply trying to make sense of the chaos of this world. The reality is that He calls us out, to be set apart. To NOT be like everyone else (even like all the other Christians). His word is much more Holy than we give credit and I look back over my beliefs and thought patterns prior to this year and while they were "well intended" they were completely and totally misguided.

God has called me to a place of solitude where I am to live with Him even when it doesn't make sense to me let alone the rest of the world. I don't get it. I don't even attempt to understand it. But I do know that it is "not in line" with the thought processes of most people I know, even the Godly persons I love so dear. And while it scares me to death, I have total Peace within it.

Though the world around me crumbles and my life begins to fade, I will ever live to love You. Set apart for You I'm made.