What a year we've had! All I can say is God is real, He is active and He is living in and among us! I am so grateful for the loving women and men who have reached out to our family in our time of need through prayer, financial, physical and mental/emotional needs. I've always loved the book of Acts and especially chapter 2 verses 42-47:
"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."
Many of your homes have become our temple this year. Many of you clothed us, fed us, thought for us when we couldn't think for ourselves. And though our lives were filled with such turmoil, we received your generous gifts with glad hearts. I can not tell you enough how much you are loved! I can not tell you enough what God has done through you and your devotion to Him! I can never repay the countless hours of counsel and your simple presence by my side. And I am honored to have such amazing people in my life!!!
If you are reading this blog, you have touched our lives in ways you probably will never know this side of heaven. But know this, your prayers are being answered daily! Our God promised us that He would hear our prayers and would act on our behalf and He has! I am changed forever eternally because of the love you have lavished upon me and my family. Thank you!
So now, let me pray over you as you have done so much for me: "My Lord and my God, I am ever grateful for your loving mercy, grace and compassion. I thank you for your watch-care and peace in the midst of life's turmoil. Lord, You alone deserve our praise and I extend my hands to you in worship and adoration for you are Holy! Dear Lord, You know each and every person for whom this prayer is written. You have placed them in my life for a specific purpose and I thank you for them. Please, Lord, let this new year, 2010, be a Life changing event for them. Be as real to them as You have been to me this past year. While I ask that you keep them from unnecessary pain and stress, I ask that you do whatever needed to help them see Your face. May they find You in places they didn't know existed and may Your Word be as real to them as You have spoken it to me. I thank you, Lord, for your active Word in my life and the lives of those around me! Speak, Lord, and make us hear Your voice, and Yours alone. Keep us from the evil one and all the lies he throws our way. Help us to live above this world and in Your presence each moment of every day! Oh how I love You!"
Happy 2010! I love you dearly!!!!!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
He Is Our Defender
This year, 3 Godly women in my life gave me 3 separate devotional books. I think sometimes we feel like we do things like that "just because", but I think we forget that it's more than that. In fact, I know it is because I am the recipient of their obedience. That's right, obedience. I truly believe that God spoke to each of these ladies through the Holy Spirit and urged them to give me these devotionals because He wanted to use them to speak to me. Why do I think this? Because every day of this year He has talked directly to me through them. It's as if He's sitting before me talking with me about what I am living through at that very moment. I do not understand it, as these were written many years ago, but if for no other reason I think they were written because He knew He had a clear message for me.
Take today for example. I did not awake under the best of circumstances. Ok! This morning stunk! I have cried my heart out, poured out my thoughts verbally to the Lord, and even called my sister leaving her a message of me balling my eyes out ranting about how I'm so tired, how life was not meant to be this way, how I feel so alone and know I can't walk this journey alone, how I'm only walking this path at this point because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where and what God wants me to do. Basically, how I feel sorry for myself! I've even started wondering this AM if maybe this is what life is supposed to be like now since the Fall. That's what sin has done to our "life"; it has made us dead! Maybe that's where all those old hymns came from; people who were so tired and worn of this life that they're only joy was to long for the day when it would all be no more and Life would be restored and our beautiful Savior would have done just that - save us!
But that's what He's trying to do now. He's trying to get us to see that He is saving us even now, even in the midst of this crazy mess we call living. There is so much more, I know it! I know it because He is telling me about it, showing me daily through my devotionals. I grew up thinking that if I were really close with Him I'd hear His voice like I hear the voices of those around me. But I've come to know His voice more vividly through these devotionals now more than anytime in my life. Oh yeh, back to my "ranting" this AM. I really was at the end of my ability to process the chaos of my life and I sat down to read and here's what He told me:
"Your heart will be where your treasure is." (Matt 6:21) "He is my defender, I will not be defeated" (Psalm 62:6) One author asked, "What is God doing when you are in a bind? When the lifeboat springs a leak? When the rip chord snaps? When the last penny is gone before the last bill is paid?..." The answer? "HE FIGHTS FOR US! He steps into the ring and points us to our corner and takes over. 'Remain calm; the Lord will fight for you." (Ex 14:14) I guarantee you that when he wrote this, Max Lucado didn't know I was going to wake up this morning feeling "woe is me". But I'm sure that God knew I would wake up this morning needing to be reminded that He is fighting for me and He has made it known to me through the wonderful Godly women of my life who have carried me through this journey in so many ways, including obedience to something as simple as giving me these devotional books. He knew that I would need to read about the disciples straining at the oars in Mark 6: "Straining and striving does not accomplish the work God gives us to do. Only God Himself, who always works without stress and strain and who never overworks, can do the work He assigns His children. When we trust Him to do it, the work will be completed and will be done well." And did the writer from the Sunday School Times know that I needed to be reminded that "the way to let Him do His work through us is to so fully abide in Christ by faith that He fills us to overflowing"? Or did Hannah Whitall Smith know that I needed to be reminded of, yet again? That the Lord said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands" (Josh 6:2) rather than saying, "Hey Josh, I'm gonna deliver you." She wrote that the "victory already belonged to the children of Israel, and now they were called to take possession of it. But the big question still remaining was how. It looked impossible, but the Lord had a plan." Do you see a pattern here? Maybe this will tie up the loose fragments of my scattered thought process:
The final devotional started out this way, "Our Lord, the God of the troubled and the weary, come and save us." That was the title and it was followed by, "I am your Saviour. Not only from the weight of sin, but from the weight of care, from misery, and depression, from want and woe, from faintness and heartache. Your Saviour." And it went on to remind me to "Abide in Me... Look to Me for all...Drop those burdens, and then, singing and free, you can go on your way rejoicing. Encumbered with them you will fall. Drop them at My feet, knowing surely that I will lift them and deal with each one as is truly best."
Is that freaky or what? Does God know me? Is He alive and working in and through me? I can only answer yes. He might as well have dropped a bill-board in my front yard that said in neon flashing pink "I AM HERE AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE." That might have been less work for me, but I probably wouldn't have internalized it as much as I have via the method He chose. And that's just it: He chose! He loves me enough to walk me through the journey.
Ever eaten pancakes? Caroline and I love to have pancakes for breakfast. Have you ever tasted the batter before they are cooked - YUCK! It is nasty. But something happens when you drop them on that hot skillet filled with smoltering margarine. They are transformed into this amazing melt-in-your-mouth wonder that when covered in syrup makes even the worst of days seem like heaven (if only for a minute). So that's what I did this AM, I made myself some pancakes, read a couple of devotionals and now I'm off to lay my burdens at His feet and sit in my corner and let Him slay the giants for me. I pray your day is filled with pancakes of heaven and you allow yourself to endure the heat and sizzle until you too are transformed into something amazing!
Take today for example. I did not awake under the best of circumstances. Ok! This morning stunk! I have cried my heart out, poured out my thoughts verbally to the Lord, and even called my sister leaving her a message of me balling my eyes out ranting about how I'm so tired, how life was not meant to be this way, how I feel so alone and know I can't walk this journey alone, how I'm only walking this path at this point because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where and what God wants me to do. Basically, how I feel sorry for myself! I've even started wondering this AM if maybe this is what life is supposed to be like now since the Fall. That's what sin has done to our "life"; it has made us dead! Maybe that's where all those old hymns came from; people who were so tired and worn of this life that they're only joy was to long for the day when it would all be no more and Life would be restored and our beautiful Savior would have done just that - save us!
But that's what He's trying to do now. He's trying to get us to see that He is saving us even now, even in the midst of this crazy mess we call living. There is so much more, I know it! I know it because He is telling me about it, showing me daily through my devotionals. I grew up thinking that if I were really close with Him I'd hear His voice like I hear the voices of those around me. But I've come to know His voice more vividly through these devotionals now more than anytime in my life. Oh yeh, back to my "ranting" this AM. I really was at the end of my ability to process the chaos of my life and I sat down to read and here's what He told me:
"Your heart will be where your treasure is." (Matt 6:21) "He is my defender, I will not be defeated" (Psalm 62:6) One author asked, "What is God doing when you are in a bind? When the lifeboat springs a leak? When the rip chord snaps? When the last penny is gone before the last bill is paid?..." The answer? "HE FIGHTS FOR US! He steps into the ring and points us to our corner and takes over. 'Remain calm; the Lord will fight for you." (Ex 14:14) I guarantee you that when he wrote this, Max Lucado didn't know I was going to wake up this morning feeling "woe is me". But I'm sure that God knew I would wake up this morning needing to be reminded that He is fighting for me and He has made it known to me through the wonderful Godly women of my life who have carried me through this journey in so many ways, including obedience to something as simple as giving me these devotional books. He knew that I would need to read about the disciples straining at the oars in Mark 6: "Straining and striving does not accomplish the work God gives us to do. Only God Himself, who always works without stress and strain and who never overworks, can do the work He assigns His children. When we trust Him to do it, the work will be completed and will be done well." And did the writer from the Sunday School Times know that I needed to be reminded that "the way to let Him do His work through us is to so fully abide in Christ by faith that He fills us to overflowing"? Or did Hannah Whitall Smith know that I needed to be reminded of, yet again? That the Lord said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands" (Josh 6:2) rather than saying, "Hey Josh, I'm gonna deliver you." She wrote that the "victory already belonged to the children of Israel, and now they were called to take possession of it. But the big question still remaining was how. It looked impossible, but the Lord had a plan." Do you see a pattern here? Maybe this will tie up the loose fragments of my scattered thought process:
The final devotional started out this way, "Our Lord, the God of the troubled and the weary, come and save us." That was the title and it was followed by, "I am your Saviour. Not only from the weight of sin, but from the weight of care, from misery, and depression, from want and woe, from faintness and heartache. Your Saviour." And it went on to remind me to "Abide in Me... Look to Me for all...Drop those burdens, and then, singing and free, you can go on your way rejoicing. Encumbered with them you will fall. Drop them at My feet, knowing surely that I will lift them and deal with each one as is truly best."
Is that freaky or what? Does God know me? Is He alive and working in and through me? I can only answer yes. He might as well have dropped a bill-board in my front yard that said in neon flashing pink "I AM HERE AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE." That might have been less work for me, but I probably wouldn't have internalized it as much as I have via the method He chose. And that's just it: He chose! He loves me enough to walk me through the journey.
Ever eaten pancakes? Caroline and I love to have pancakes for breakfast. Have you ever tasted the batter before they are cooked - YUCK! It is nasty. But something happens when you drop them on that hot skillet filled with smoltering margarine. They are transformed into this amazing melt-in-your-mouth wonder that when covered in syrup makes even the worst of days seem like heaven (if only for a minute). So that's what I did this AM, I made myself some pancakes, read a couple of devotionals and now I'm off to lay my burdens at His feet and sit in my corner and let Him slay the giants for me. I pray your day is filled with pancakes of heaven and you allow yourself to endure the heat and sizzle until you too are transformed into something amazing!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
He Knows
"He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:10) "In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Rom 8:37)
Today my mind struggled with whether or not I'm following the path God intends for me, and whether or not I'm following it the way He wants me to. The devil, or my mind (sometimes I'm not sure there is much of a difference), really tried to plant seeds of doubt and discouragement. But, the cool thing is I had the assurance that the Lord has been faithful to give me each day and though I couldn't turn off my brain, I could counteract it's thoughts with seeds of peace and comfort.
Of late, I've come to expect the worst so that I'll be pleasantly surprised by simple and good things. I hate living that way though, it seems so foreign to me. Anyway, I laid my head on my pillow tonight and could not stop wrestling with the idea that I don't want to walk the path that is before me. I mean, it's too hard, it's too painful, I can't see an end in sight, and logically it doesn't make sense. So, I asked Him (as I often do) to speak to me through the devotional I had been saving to read until the house was quiet and guess what it said. It gave me the above scriptures from Job and Romans along with the following excerpt from Streams in the Dessert: "Unbelief looks at God through the circumstances, just as we often see the sun dimmed by clouds or smoke. But faith puts God between itself and its circumstances, and looks at them through Him...'Wait for the Lord (Ps 27:14). Patiently wait!'...Yes, 'in all these' - even during storms, when the winds are the most intense -'we are more than conquerors.' You may be tempted to run from the ordeal of a fierce storm of testing, but head straight for it! God is there to meet you in the center of each trial. And He will whisper to you His secrets, which will bring you out with a radiant face and such an invincible faith that all the demons of hell will never be able to shake it."
So the first and most important thing I take from all that is GOD SPEAKS! If you don't believe me, read again what I just wrote. He spoke directly to me, telling me exactly what He wanted me to know, all I had to do was to be willing to let Him speak. Second, we find peace in the midst of our chaos by openly and honestly standing before Him. He knows what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking it better than I do. In the past I've tried to play mind-games with myself to keep me from facing what I really think and feel, but I've learned that it is ok to just be honest and lay it at His feet even if I'm just having a tantrum. He already knows the truth, why not face it myself? And third, there is so much more to this life than we give credit. There is an eternal world around us that we don't see and rarely hear, yet it is alive and active in the temporal world we live in. I want to be able to see it and feel it and touch it and live in it every moment and I know someday I will (in the sweet by and by for those of us who grew up on hymns), but I know we can live it now and I'm slowly catching a glimpse of it.
I hate that the world of the flesh robs me of the ability to live there 24/7. I pray that the Lord will continue to teach me and show me how to BE STILL and see what He has in store. And most important, I pray that I will live in such a place that allows Him to whisper to me His secrets and me be able to actually sense His presence and hear His whisper. I don't know about you, but the thought of God whispering secrets to me gives me goose bumps. That's one of Caroline's favorite things to do right now, "C'mere Mommy. I wanna tell you a secret." Everytime she does, it's that breathy little sweet smelling voice of my precious one and it sends shivers all over me. If Caroline's secrets are that precious to me, how much more precious are the secrets of the creator of that precious one?
Today my mind struggled with whether or not I'm following the path God intends for me, and whether or not I'm following it the way He wants me to. The devil, or my mind (sometimes I'm not sure there is much of a difference), really tried to plant seeds of doubt and discouragement. But, the cool thing is I had the assurance that the Lord has been faithful to give me each day and though I couldn't turn off my brain, I could counteract it's thoughts with seeds of peace and comfort.
Of late, I've come to expect the worst so that I'll be pleasantly surprised by simple and good things. I hate living that way though, it seems so foreign to me. Anyway, I laid my head on my pillow tonight and could not stop wrestling with the idea that I don't want to walk the path that is before me. I mean, it's too hard, it's too painful, I can't see an end in sight, and logically it doesn't make sense. So, I asked Him (as I often do) to speak to me through the devotional I had been saving to read until the house was quiet and guess what it said. It gave me the above scriptures from Job and Romans along with the following excerpt from Streams in the Dessert: "Unbelief looks at God through the circumstances, just as we often see the sun dimmed by clouds or smoke. But faith puts God between itself and its circumstances, and looks at them through Him...'Wait for the Lord (Ps 27:14). Patiently wait!'...Yes, 'in all these' - even during storms, when the winds are the most intense -'we are more than conquerors.' You may be tempted to run from the ordeal of a fierce storm of testing, but head straight for it! God is there to meet you in the center of each trial. And He will whisper to you His secrets, which will bring you out with a radiant face and such an invincible faith that all the demons of hell will never be able to shake it."
So the first and most important thing I take from all that is GOD SPEAKS! If you don't believe me, read again what I just wrote. He spoke directly to me, telling me exactly what He wanted me to know, all I had to do was to be willing to let Him speak. Second, we find peace in the midst of our chaos by openly and honestly standing before Him. He knows what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking it better than I do. In the past I've tried to play mind-games with myself to keep me from facing what I really think and feel, but I've learned that it is ok to just be honest and lay it at His feet even if I'm just having a tantrum. He already knows the truth, why not face it myself? And third, there is so much more to this life than we give credit. There is an eternal world around us that we don't see and rarely hear, yet it is alive and active in the temporal world we live in. I want to be able to see it and feel it and touch it and live in it every moment and I know someday I will (in the sweet by and by for those of us who grew up on hymns), but I know we can live it now and I'm slowly catching a glimpse of it.
I hate that the world of the flesh robs me of the ability to live there 24/7. I pray that the Lord will continue to teach me and show me how to BE STILL and see what He has in store. And most important, I pray that I will live in such a place that allows Him to whisper to me His secrets and me be able to actually sense His presence and hear His whisper. I don't know about you, but the thought of God whispering secrets to me gives me goose bumps. That's one of Caroline's favorite things to do right now, "C'mere Mommy. I wanna tell you a secret." Everytime she does, it's that breathy little sweet smelling voice of my precious one and it sends shivers all over me. If Caroline's secrets are that precious to me, how much more precious are the secrets of the creator of that precious one?
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Confession
God has so faithfully spoken to me these past few months through the darkest hours of my life. His love has surrounded me with peace untold. I am ever grateful for His presence in my life and I can testify that when you truly come to the end of yourself, He is there!
I failed this week. I went back on my word. To many, I had just cause. But to the one I hurt, there is no excuse - I lied. As much time as I have spent with the Lord walking the stormy journey of these last few months you would think that I of all people would be a woman of her word. Just goes to prove we are all in need of God's grace!
In the midst of my turmoil and angst over the realization of what I had done, while trying to repent and seek forgiveness (still really trying to justify my actions), Caroline said to me, "Mommy, Daddy makes bad choices sometimes, and I make bad choices sometimes and you make bad choices sometimes. But we can ask Jesus to forgive us and He will fix our broken heart because He loves us." OH MY! If that didn't strike the chords of your heart as it did mine, maybe you missed what was said. This precious 3 1/2-year-old gets it! She understands that we have a God who loves us and is always waiting for us to come to Him with humble hearts and find mercy and forgiveness and restoration. Now, she said it in 3-year-old lingo, but that's it. "We can ask Jesus to forgive us and He will fix our broken heart because He loves us." Why do we make it so hard? And why don't we own up to our sin, as Pastor Dale preached 2 Sunday's ago? Why justify our wrongs? Why not own up to them for what they are and seek the Forgiver and the one to whom we need to ask forgiveness?
If we are in a relationship with our Lord, He is going to prune us. He is going to point out our faults/shortcomings/sins/whatever you want to call them. He is going to continue to transform us to be like Him. I was tempted in this scenario to beat myself up and treat myself as though my sin were to great for God. Fortunately, I recognized that this in my life is idolatry. My sin is not greater than my God. If I would have given into that temptation I would have gone on justifying my actions and would eventually fail again. But the words of my daughter kept ringing in my ear as did the sermon mentioned. Rather than allowing the evil one to trick me into that lifestyle, God reminded me to turn to Him and let Him be my deliverer.
I pray that I will be a woman of my word and that I will humble myself before Him each moment of each day and allow Him to "search me and know me". May you sense His faithfullness in your presence today and may you too find the words of a 3-year-old true in your life!
I failed this week. I went back on my word. To many, I had just cause. But to the one I hurt, there is no excuse - I lied. As much time as I have spent with the Lord walking the stormy journey of these last few months you would think that I of all people would be a woman of her word. Just goes to prove we are all in need of God's grace!
In the midst of my turmoil and angst over the realization of what I had done, while trying to repent and seek forgiveness (still really trying to justify my actions), Caroline said to me, "Mommy, Daddy makes bad choices sometimes, and I make bad choices sometimes and you make bad choices sometimes. But we can ask Jesus to forgive us and He will fix our broken heart because He loves us." OH MY! If that didn't strike the chords of your heart as it did mine, maybe you missed what was said. This precious 3 1/2-year-old gets it! She understands that we have a God who loves us and is always waiting for us to come to Him with humble hearts and find mercy and forgiveness and restoration. Now, she said it in 3-year-old lingo, but that's it. "We can ask Jesus to forgive us and He will fix our broken heart because He loves us." Why do we make it so hard? And why don't we own up to our sin, as Pastor Dale preached 2 Sunday's ago? Why justify our wrongs? Why not own up to them for what they are and seek the Forgiver and the one to whom we need to ask forgiveness?
If we are in a relationship with our Lord, He is going to prune us. He is going to point out our faults/shortcomings/sins/whatever you want to call them. He is going to continue to transform us to be like Him. I was tempted in this scenario to beat myself up and treat myself as though my sin were to great for God. Fortunately, I recognized that this in my life is idolatry. My sin is not greater than my God. If I would have given into that temptation I would have gone on justifying my actions and would eventually fail again. But the words of my daughter kept ringing in my ear as did the sermon mentioned. Rather than allowing the evil one to trick me into that lifestyle, God reminded me to turn to Him and let Him be my deliverer.
I pray that I will be a woman of my word and that I will humble myself before Him each moment of each day and allow Him to "search me and know me". May you sense His faithfullness in your presence today and may you too find the words of a 3-year-old true in your life!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Faith
Scripture tells me that faith is the hope of things unseen; a free gift from the Lord. By faith miracles happen. Yet throughout my life and more so these past couple of years, I have wondered if I really had faith or if it is just something I believe in but haven't really experienced. I mean, I know that God has gifted all of us with a certain measure of faith, but I have A LOT of light and my faith should be greater than the average Joe.
I now know that my faith is real. It is not something I can work for or create, but something the Lord bestows upon us through our journey in Him. I have had the worst 2 years of my life from the average persons point-of-view. Most of you probably won't know or understand all the implications of that statement but you know a few of the trials along the way and a few of you know the intimate details (God help you!). But I must say with tears and a pain-filled heart that this has truly been the best 2 years I have ever had Spiritually. God is so near and dear to me...He's had to be everything to me. I now am beginning to understand what that means and what that good ole hymn was talking about.
When your world falls apart and your existence seems to fade, He becomes all those things you've lost or never even attained. He becomes all those things you never knew you needed. He becomes the air you breathe that forces you to live another day; the love you need to give the child you lost; the relationship you should have always had but were neglected; the joy of life selfishly taken from you; the peace you so desperately desire but know will not come; the beat of your broken heart forcing you live on; the nourishment for your starving body and soul; the calm in the storm of your anxiety when your chest feels as though it will give way to the pressure; the comfort you can not find no matter where you look; the faith you need to have hope for something better than all this.
I do not know what my next minute holds or how I will hold-up in it, but I know the One who creates that minute; the One who created me. And I can say in the midst of this moment He has proven faithful and I will serve Him now and forever. "No wonder they call Him Savior." He is real. I have seen Him. He has wrapped His loving arms around me in the wee hours of the morning and held me when I just couldn't go on. He has made Himself so real to me these days that I can not even imagine a life lived outside of Him. "He is my everything! He is my all! He is my everything both great and small. He gave His life for me, made everything new. He is my everything. Now how about you?"
I now know that my faith is real. It is not something I can work for or create, but something the Lord bestows upon us through our journey in Him. I have had the worst 2 years of my life from the average persons point-of-view. Most of you probably won't know or understand all the implications of that statement but you know a few of the trials along the way and a few of you know the intimate details (God help you!). But I must say with tears and a pain-filled heart that this has truly been the best 2 years I have ever had Spiritually. God is so near and dear to me...He's had to be everything to me. I now am beginning to understand what that means and what that good ole hymn was talking about.
When your world falls apart and your existence seems to fade, He becomes all those things you've lost or never even attained. He becomes all those things you never knew you needed. He becomes the air you breathe that forces you to live another day; the love you need to give the child you lost; the relationship you should have always had but were neglected; the joy of life selfishly taken from you; the peace you so desperately desire but know will not come; the beat of your broken heart forcing you live on; the nourishment for your starving body and soul; the calm in the storm of your anxiety when your chest feels as though it will give way to the pressure; the comfort you can not find no matter where you look; the faith you need to have hope for something better than all this.
I do not know what my next minute holds or how I will hold-up in it, but I know the One who creates that minute; the One who created me. And I can say in the midst of this moment He has proven faithful and I will serve Him now and forever. "No wonder they call Him Savior." He is real. I have seen Him. He has wrapped His loving arms around me in the wee hours of the morning and held me when I just couldn't go on. He has made Himself so real to me these days that I can not even imagine a life lived outside of Him. "He is my everything! He is my all! He is my everything both great and small. He gave His life for me, made everything new. He is my everything. Now how about you?"
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Set Apart
So I've learned something in the last few months about myself that I think I had forgotten somewhere along the way - I'm pretty strong-willed. But through the trials of this past year I've become even stronger-Willed. How you ask? Let me first ask you a few questions:
Do you really believe the Lord? Do you really believe that His word is true? Do you really believe that He can do exactly what He said He could do and more? Do you really believe that you are to love your enemies, even lay down your life for them? Do you really believe that the person who takes you for granted or even treats you like garbage is a child of God? Do you really believe that your existence has been gifted to you and that you are the steward of that gift? When your world turns upside down and you find yourself completely alone, do you really feel alone? In the quiet moments of your life, where do your thoughts go?
These are just some of the questions I have had to ask myself this past year and to seek honest answers I've had to endure "self examination." Anyone know what I'm saying? I hate "the time for introspection." I mean really, wouldn't it just be easier to go help someone or serve somewhere or do something for the Lord rather than selfishly focus on me? (boy that's a whole lot of verbs) Woe to those of us who avoid this harsh and horrific task by masquerading it with service!
What I've learned this year is that I do believe the Lord! I do believe His word is true. I believe He can do everything He said He could do and more! And, you know what I've found that I love the most out of the "AHA! Moment?" When my world turned upside down and I was completely alone, I wasn't really alone. He was and is there with me. In my quiet moments my thoughts and heart drift towards Him and the things of Him. Why? Not because I'm so good and mighty and spiritual, but because He has brought me to a place of solitude which has required complete and utter openness before Him. He's forced me to a place of "self examination" that hasn't been very pretty.
The result: so far I've found that I am a "lone reed" (for those of you who share my love for You've Got Mail). The Lord calls us to do His will. And so many times we cloud His will with our wants and desires and even our feeble attempts at simply trying to make sense of the chaos of this world. The reality is that He calls us out, to be set apart. To NOT be like everyone else (even like all the other Christians). His word is much more Holy than we give credit and I look back over my beliefs and thought patterns prior to this year and while they were "well intended" they were completely and totally misguided.
God has called me to a place of solitude where I am to live with Him even when it doesn't make sense to me let alone the rest of the world. I don't get it. I don't even attempt to understand it. But I do know that it is "not in line" with the thought processes of most people I know, even the Godly persons I love so dear. And while it scares me to death, I have total Peace within it.
Though the world around me crumbles and my life begins to fade, I will ever live to love You. Set apart for You I'm made.
Do you really believe the Lord? Do you really believe that His word is true? Do you really believe that He can do exactly what He said He could do and more? Do you really believe that you are to love your enemies, even lay down your life for them? Do you really believe that the person who takes you for granted or even treats you like garbage is a child of God? Do you really believe that your existence has been gifted to you and that you are the steward of that gift? When your world turns upside down and you find yourself completely alone, do you really feel alone? In the quiet moments of your life, where do your thoughts go?
These are just some of the questions I have had to ask myself this past year and to seek honest answers I've had to endure "self examination." Anyone know what I'm saying? I hate "the time for introspection." I mean really, wouldn't it just be easier to go help someone or serve somewhere or do something for the Lord rather than selfishly focus on me? (boy that's a whole lot of verbs) Woe to those of us who avoid this harsh and horrific task by masquerading it with service!
What I've learned this year is that I do believe the Lord! I do believe His word is true. I believe He can do everything He said He could do and more! And, you know what I've found that I love the most out of the "AHA! Moment?" When my world turned upside down and I was completely alone, I wasn't really alone. He was and is there with me. In my quiet moments my thoughts and heart drift towards Him and the things of Him. Why? Not because I'm so good and mighty and spiritual, but because He has brought me to a place of solitude which has required complete and utter openness before Him. He's forced me to a place of "self examination" that hasn't been very pretty.
The result: so far I've found that I am a "lone reed" (for those of you who share my love for You've Got Mail). The Lord calls us to do His will. And so many times we cloud His will with our wants and desires and even our feeble attempts at simply trying to make sense of the chaos of this world. The reality is that He calls us out, to be set apart. To NOT be like everyone else (even like all the other Christians). His word is much more Holy than we give credit and I look back over my beliefs and thought patterns prior to this year and while they were "well intended" they were completely and totally misguided.
God has called me to a place of solitude where I am to live with Him even when it doesn't make sense to me let alone the rest of the world. I don't get it. I don't even attempt to understand it. But I do know that it is "not in line" with the thought processes of most people I know, even the Godly persons I love so dear. And while it scares me to death, I have total Peace within it.
Though the world around me crumbles and my life begins to fade, I will ever live to love You. Set apart for You I'm made.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Wait!
We walk through life preaching and teaching what we know and have heard from those who have gone before us. We spend our lives devoted to the truth and leading others to Him. Then one day we find ourselves in the midst of the fire and all we can do is hold on to Christ and trust that everything we've devoted our existence to is real and is truth.
Art and I are in the process of learning what it means to wait upon the Lord. We thought that loosing Hudson was surely the "trial" of our lives only to find that it was just a precursor to what lied ahead. 2008 has been just too hard! Too many deaths, too many disappointments, too many failures, too many you name its. When we look back it all seems a blur and we still feel that somehow we'll wake up and it will all have been just a dream, a nightmare. But, reality keeps us grounded as usual and I've finally stopped pinching myself in the last 2 weeks because I know this is our new reality.
Through everything we've endured this year we had 2 realities: Christ is Lord and we have each other. So, what do you do when the devil realizes that's where you live and decides to attack the only thing left he can - having each other. It's truly the most unexplainable, heart wrenching, agonizing torture of the heart and mind to endure. So, what do you do?
Some have said that God at times allows you to walk around the fire or protects you from the fire and other times He walks you through the fire. We are living examples of His word as He's using this fire to refine us. He's re-teaching us some basic principles of Spirit-filled life that we'd forgotten or distorted along the way. And, for the first time in my life I'm actually having to learn to take care of myself. For some that's not hard, but for me that is a completely foreign concept. I mean come on, we're called to live a self-less life not a selfish life. Yet, somehow we forget that we're human and we weren't created to be God, we were created to be God's. After years of doing and serving and taking care of others (anyone and everyone but ourselves) we have been brought to our knees and are learning that all He wants from us right now is to allow Him to take care and for us to let Him.
We're nowhere near where we want to be, but God has done some amazing things in our lives this past month. He's teaching us what He meant when He told Martha that Mary had chosen the right thing. He's teaching us what it means when scripture says why worry about tomorrow for today has enough worry of its own. He's teaching us a new way of living "and the 2 shall become 1." "Trust in the Lord with your whole heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" - He's shown us the mess that is made in leaning on your own understanding. And my least favorite thing He's teaching us right now is to "wait upon the Lord." UGH!!!! I have to wait on enough things in life, how in the world does He expect me to actually wait on Him? I'll tell ya how: He allows the testing and trying to take out everything in my life that I believe in except for the one truth that can never be taken away - Jesus Christ is Lord! Needless to say, I have a new found kinship with Job, though I can't say that I really wanted to know him better =) So, as cliche as it may be I've decided to write a poem from the heart. May it bless whoever reads this and may you find strength in its Truth when your valley shadows your existence and you don't even know if you can go another step in the journey.
Each day I walk along life's road, some days are filled with light. Today I journey a desolate road where daytime oft appears as night. Though this valley masquerades as the end of my way, there is a breeze faint, gentile and sweet. It reminds me that the mountain is ahead with its white and snowy peak. O Lord, please blow that breeze my way and whisper Your words of love. For I know that breeze to me was sent by the one true Light above. I will trudge on through this valley low, though the journey seems so drear. Keep fast my loved ones, strong and true familiar to your heart, so dear. We will make it then, from this valley we'll climb, we WILL make our journey's end. With you O Lord, our strength and shield, in grace and peace we ascend!
Art and I are in the process of learning what it means to wait upon the Lord. We thought that loosing Hudson was surely the "trial" of our lives only to find that it was just a precursor to what lied ahead. 2008 has been just too hard! Too many deaths, too many disappointments, too many failures, too many you name its. When we look back it all seems a blur and we still feel that somehow we'll wake up and it will all have been just a dream, a nightmare. But, reality keeps us grounded as usual and I've finally stopped pinching myself in the last 2 weeks because I know this is our new reality.
Through everything we've endured this year we had 2 realities: Christ is Lord and we have each other. So, what do you do when the devil realizes that's where you live and decides to attack the only thing left he can - having each other. It's truly the most unexplainable, heart wrenching, agonizing torture of the heart and mind to endure. So, what do you do?
Some have said that God at times allows you to walk around the fire or protects you from the fire and other times He walks you through the fire. We are living examples of His word as He's using this fire to refine us. He's re-teaching us some basic principles of Spirit-filled life that we'd forgotten or distorted along the way. And, for the first time in my life I'm actually having to learn to take care of myself. For some that's not hard, but for me that is a completely foreign concept. I mean come on, we're called to live a self-less life not a selfish life. Yet, somehow we forget that we're human and we weren't created to be God, we were created to be God's. After years of doing and serving and taking care of others (anyone and everyone but ourselves) we have been brought to our knees and are learning that all He wants from us right now is to allow Him to take care and for us to let Him.
We're nowhere near where we want to be, but God has done some amazing things in our lives this past month. He's teaching us what He meant when He told Martha that Mary had chosen the right thing. He's teaching us what it means when scripture says why worry about tomorrow for today has enough worry of its own. He's teaching us a new way of living "and the 2 shall become 1." "Trust in the Lord with your whole heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths" - He's shown us the mess that is made in leaning on your own understanding. And my least favorite thing He's teaching us right now is to "wait upon the Lord." UGH!!!! I have to wait on enough things in life, how in the world does He expect me to actually wait on Him? I'll tell ya how: He allows the testing and trying to take out everything in my life that I believe in except for the one truth that can never be taken away - Jesus Christ is Lord! Needless to say, I have a new found kinship with Job, though I can't say that I really wanted to know him better =) So, as cliche as it may be I've decided to write a poem from the heart. May it bless whoever reads this and may you find strength in its Truth when your valley shadows your existence and you don't even know if you can go another step in the journey.
Each day I walk along life's road, some days are filled with light. Today I journey a desolate road where daytime oft appears as night. Though this valley masquerades as the end of my way, there is a breeze faint, gentile and sweet. It reminds me that the mountain is ahead with its white and snowy peak. O Lord, please blow that breeze my way and whisper Your words of love. For I know that breeze to me was sent by the one true Light above. I will trudge on through this valley low, though the journey seems so drear. Keep fast my loved ones, strong and true familiar to your heart, so dear. We will make it then, from this valley we'll climb, we WILL make our journey's end. With you O Lord, our strength and shield, in grace and peace we ascend!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
