He Knows

"He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:10) "In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Rom 8:37)

Today my mind struggled with whether or not I'm following the path God intends for me, and whether or not I'm following it the way He wants me to. The devil, or my mind (sometimes I'm not sure there is much of a difference), really tried to plant seeds of doubt and discouragement. But, the cool thing is I had the assurance that the Lord has been faithful to give me each day and though I couldn't turn off my brain, I could counteract it's thoughts with seeds of peace and comfort.

Of late, I've come to expect the worst so that I'll be pleasantly surprised by simple and good things. I hate living that way though, it seems so foreign to me. Anyway, I laid my head on my pillow tonight and could not stop wrestling with the idea that I don't want to walk the path that is before me. I mean, it's too hard, it's too painful, I can't see an end in sight, and logically it doesn't make sense. So, I asked Him (as I often do) to speak to me through the devotional I had been saving to read until the house was quiet and guess what it said. It gave me the above scriptures from Job and Romans along with the following excerpt from Streams in the Dessert: "Unbelief looks at God through the circumstances, just as we often see the sun dimmed by clouds or smoke. But faith puts God between itself and its circumstances, and looks at them through Him...'Wait for the Lord (Ps 27:14). Patiently wait!'...Yes, 'in all these' - even during storms, when the winds are the most intense -'we are more than conquerors.' You may be tempted to run from the ordeal of a fierce storm of testing, but head straight for it! God is there to meet you in the center of each trial. And He will whisper to you His secrets, which will bring you out with a radiant face and such an invincible faith that all the demons of hell will never be able to shake it."

So the first and most important thing I take from all that is GOD SPEAKS! If you don't believe me, read again what I just wrote. He spoke directly to me, telling me exactly what He wanted me to know, all I had to do was to be willing to let Him speak. Second, we find peace in the midst of our chaos by openly and honestly standing before Him. He knows what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking it better than I do. In the past I've tried to play mind-games with myself to keep me from facing what I really think and feel, but I've learned that it is ok to just be honest and lay it at His feet even if I'm just having a tantrum. He already knows the truth, why not face it myself? And third, there is so much more to this life than we give credit. There is an eternal world around us that we don't see and rarely hear, yet it is alive and active in the temporal world we live in. I want to be able to see it and feel it and touch it and live in it every moment and I know someday I will (in the sweet by and by for those of us who grew up on hymns), but I know we can live it now and I'm slowly catching a glimpse of it.

I hate that the world of the flesh robs me of the ability to live there 24/7. I pray that the Lord will continue to teach me and show me how to BE STILL and see what He has in store. And most important, I pray that I will live in such a place that allows Him to whisper to me His secrets and me be able to actually sense His presence and hear His whisper. I don't know about you, but the thought of God whispering secrets to me gives me goose bumps. That's one of Caroline's favorite things to do right now, "C'mere Mommy. I wanna tell you a secret." Everytime she does, it's that breathy little sweet smelling voice of my precious one and it sends shivers all over me. If Caroline's secrets are that precious to me, how much more precious are the secrets of the creator of that precious one?